More about risk and fear.

The water tumbles in waves, cresting and falling. The broken horizon. This is the point fear presents its ugly claw, if you let it. Previously I spoke about ‘fear’ and ‘It is foolish beyond belief to be scared of the river you are descending, we made the choice to be on the river, we have control over our own actions. Some evil genius did not capture us and place us on the water. We need to compartmentalize where this fear sits’ this can be read online

I am more than aware that others do not hold the same view as myself. Some people are numb to it all whilst some confuse fear and anxiety, fear and nervous anticipation. Fear of the humiliation from peers, fear of letting one’s self down. . Fear of death-over life is one thing, fear of embarrassment quite another. But is it all that obvious. The martyr will not think so. Although I am not saying we all martyr to the cause.

I accept that we are tied to a linguistic boundary, where language binds the true meaning of what we are saying. The words not said, hidden away from all are perhaps the crux. I would like to look beyond this word now and look away into the mind, at a personal place where in an instant we classify our acts. I am taking it beyond looking at fear – the danger, immediate and present in all we do – at every junction of life. Perceived immediate danger – what your response is, relies on who you are, where you are, your confidence and competence to given situations. I questioned this previously in an essay on Risk.

Perhaps now it is possible to look at the points on a mental graph, a place our unconscious mind takes us when we move forward at the limits of our experience. A place we move in unknown grounds.

Over the last few weeks many people have explained that they think I am a ‘crazy man’ or ‘a fool’. Do I have no regard for my own personal safety, or thoughts of those close to me. ‘How could you paddle that river? It is too risky?’

Perhaps this is the issue. Risk, for me, is a concept that can be both ridged and fluid. A place that can be held in tight bonds as a social normality, or a place dynamic, hard to pin point.

Let us look at two points of risk. These are the possible and the probable. For my part, over the last 20 years I have – I think now- accepted that my unconscious mind links these two points on an abstract graph. A graph were the possible if offset by the probable.

Running the big fall on the Mawdach, for example. How do you look to asses this – a drop that has been done only by a limited number? First I think we look at the possibility. We look, in a visual way at the line, the previous beta and our skills and base level of functioning. It is possible. If no previous beta we look at the probable – e.g it will probably be ok / far from exact, with skills and knowledge we can source the possibility from this probability. But we can then look and ask what is the possibility of the probability happening. Is it possible that I will get hurt, but is it probable? Is it possible that I will not be able to paddle the line however improbable. If we then,at an unconscious level, draw a graph. The possible and probable intersect at set points. Although some points on the graph could be mobius in nature, where answers cannot connect. We then have the personal judgement call to act. We are not crazy, it is not fight or flight, this is deeper, this is much more – calculated and planned We can choose to accept or deny the possibility via our subjectively whilst also understanding the probability of this happening

At the point of danger, where the real possibility of danger occurs are we not placed in a position of opportunity and/or in a crisis situation? It is how we adapt to this crisis that allows for opportunity – many know this from the Chinese character crisis+danger=opportunity. We can then grow our personal frame of reference that will assist further in our adaption of the probability dynamic.

Let us look at how this opportunity allows growth. We all strive to move beyond our safety net, even as a social hub this is true. We move on and evolve. It is also true for all the sentient beings. We need a place and a time to allow our mind and body to grow and build skills to progress. Whilst coaching can and does give practical advice on this, few settle on the definition of cognitive personal analysis – how can they. Cognitive analysis of your own performance is, only and forever, an internal jewel. No one can show you this, only a guide can be offered and even this is not finite.

Whilst these words do and shall be developed over time, I hope that the ideas add food for the mind.

Risk

Following on from the Stikine post that I made in in 2010 and its publication in Ceufad magazine. I feel it is now time to look at briefly at personal risk.

The Stikine river is perhaps the one river that burns in my heart as the bracket of experience. This is, for me, the place where all my passion lay bare and raw for all to see. It is more than the river alone. It is more than the memories it gave. For many this river, which has been put on a pedestal, holds no clues-no passion. Instead, others do, these are the places that prepare you to challenge. Implicit in these situations is the notion of personal risk. How we, as thinking organisms, perceive these risk situations is key. It is not simply a question of can we do this? But is the question, should we do this?

In kayaking and other adventure sports we can easily look at static risk assessments, the use of solid factual pieces that our bound to our public concept of risk. For example, we all understand that if we don't wear a helmet on a river the risk of banking our head if we flip is high. Similarly we all understand that if we paddle a river above our comfort grade then the risk of missing a line, not been in control is higher.

It is this second point that is never as solid as we think. We all desire to grow as kayakers and to do so we knock at the door of our experiences. We wish to door open and we walk through. To a garden of peace or an evil dungeon. We have all made choices that in hindsight are foolish, but at the time felt right. Often these have been linked to peer pressure and our own egos. This no one else fault but our alone.

Sitting in our own private place, a still mind, we can make our own judgement calls. We judge the possibilities of risk, possibly replaying the scenario in our minds eye. For some this is not a help- as they concentrate on the fail rate of risk with such gusto that the outcome is obvious. For others the fail rate is not even apparent. Confidence in the moment, in your own worth and your own moves. The line will not be missed. Whilst this is a positive affirmation of the self I still don’t believe that it is the end. In these situations, when things do go wrong the kayakers have no emergency plan no back up.

A friend of mine put on the Stikine, although could have been any river. He wanted to put on, he felt he needed to. Half way through day 2 he took a swim and was not reunited with his boat or gear. He hiked out to the rim of the canyon and waited rescue. These videos will show his situation. The second part starts off with the question 'WHY?'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UvUxUkhojc&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMafMwvQh8c&feature=related

I think that what happened here gives us a very succinct example of risk and personal boundaries. Although as he will say his self he 'failed' on the river he none the less managed the final outcome. He had come to the point, prior to the launching on the river, where he understood what a fail could mean and what risks were involved.

We can all discuss group dynamics of every situation we hear about and we can all look back at choices made - analysis is easy after the fact. For me this brief out line of risk and outcome has followed me for years. I continue to paddle, in remote gorges, rare rivers and in isolated areas. I understand the risks that I impose on myself but am also aware that one missed move on my local river and a 'worse case scenario' is just around the corner.

Whilst I understand this has been a short essay, it is simply a preface to further work. I welcome my own thoughts about personal risk and the ever changing angle of the mind. For without it I could not concentrate on the fact in hand.